Check in

Sadly this month was just rough I lost half an inch on my hips and an inch on my arms.. That's it no weight weight loss ugh it was a busy month full of health issues... March tho will be different I have a wedding in August! 

One month check in

Well I made it a month.. I have changed a lot! Had some good food but for at least 80% of my time I eat good healthy food.. here are my  updated results.. no weight but here are my measurements
Thigh 25.5
Hip 46
Waist 46
Chest 47
Arm 16
For a grand total of 13.5 inches! I wish i would have gotten before pics

Think before you speak..

How many times have you heard that? me i don't think i can count that high... while there has been times where i have simply opened mouth insert foot, i am learning to just stop think, and pray alot of the time before i speak... unless i am reacting.. then well its just fair game... but when we react does it ever do us any good when we speak out of anger?? honestly i don't think so.. i don't think that anyone walks away happy... i got to experience being on the receiving end of reactions.. and i still feel like a 10 ton truck ran over me and then backed up for another run... i felt as tho my feelings weren't valid... is that how i make people feel when i react? how do i make sure to not do that to some one? i know i can go 50 shades of crazy and i need to work on that try to get it down to at least 25.. but i cant believe how hurtful it was.. and honestly how do i move on from this point? do i ignore it and just go on as i planned or do i let the other person win and be defeated? i feel completely unwelcome in a place that honestly i should feel right at home... i am letting Satan win if i walk away right... or am i going against God's will if i stay.. this is where i am.. stuck between a rock and a hard place... i do know that moving forward i will be seeking guidance for myself only.. i can only pray for the other person.. that god will convict their heart and work on them... because i know that i cant change them.. i can change me... and this is what I'm doing



oh by the way.. I'm down about 6lbs after my scale saying i weighed 365 this morning!!! and no i have not made no bake cookies yet.. but the year is still young!

New years resloutions...

January 1st.. I am just like everyone else I make new years resolutions.. I want to lose weight this year.. i want to run in a 5k. I want to keep my house cleaner, I want to not yell at my kids (whoops already broke that one this morning).. and the list can go on and on... so what is so different this year how am i not gong to fail this year??

First lets back up ill tell you a little about myself.. first a disclosure.. I don't type very grammatically correct.. i don't use the right punctuation.. i usually don't capitalize my I's and love run on sentences.. But I'm not here to write a blog about how i type I'm a real mom wife, and person.. I'm not writing this for anyone but myself. I'm going to track my progress over this year, The ups and the downs.. if you want to join in the success and cry at the failures with me great to have you! if you cant stand my lazy typing.. you'd probably stop reading right now.. OK, now that that is out of the way a little about me.. I'm 24 have 2 girls Ceinya is 5, and Kadynce is 3. I have been married for 4 almost 5 years (the 6th of Jan!) to my best friend!! I grew up on a ranch only child with my mom and dad (step that adopted me.. my bio dad will be included at some point) only niece and only granddaughter.. i was SPOILED! I showed cattle, which taught me more than i would have ever imagined and i still think that the best place in the world is on the back of a horse. got married moved to town, moved the ranch and then into town again only a smaller town this time.. my heart is and always be at the ranch but for my kids myself and my marriage moving to town was the best thing we could have done.

i was saved at the age of 12 and baptized. had a lot happen to me that made me so angry with god! and until i was 19 i harbored some terrible anger.. when My husband and i got together i started going to a wonderful church that still today i call home. i have grown so much in my walk with god these past 5 almost 6 years now.. i got involved with a moms bible study last year and that was my saving grace. i felt so alone and so lost... now i am the coordinator and while it has stretched me and grown me more in a few months than i ever thought possible i am so thankful for each of the ladies in it.

i have always struggled with my weight.. i love food! i love food when I'm stressed, or happy, or sad.. i just love food! i love baked potatoes loaded to the hilt! and no bake cookies!! i don't have any desire to be a size 4 or eve a size 8... a 14 would even make me happy.. i just want to be healthy i want to be able to run around with my kids and not be just exhausted after ten minutes.. but mostly i want to put clothes on and see the person i love in pictures.. seems like the refection in the mirror and the person in the picture are never the same.. by golly tho they will be this year.. i could stay the size i am if i could look and feel the same..

this brings me back to my title.. I'm not making any resolutions. i am making goals.. for both the inside and out.. i am going to dedicate time to being in God's word with my kids, and with my husband.. and alone.. I'm going to eat better.. not for anyone but me.. i want to love my body and my inside.. I'm not being the best me.. I'm just being.. my hubby and i plan on getting out of debt the rest of the way this year.. talk about a slow process!! and buying a house... and possibly one more big surprise... but that shall come late this year..

I'm going to use this as a sounding block. when I'm craving those no bake cookies you will find me here.. putting all those cravings for those super yummy straight  to my gut cookies into writing...

well my children want their art easel out so i suppose i should sign off here and get back to my job... being a mom!

ps.. i spell checked most of the words


oh i suppose i should post my starting weight and measurements... this is the most depressing.. but i need to be realistic with myself

chest-50
waist-51
hips-50
arm-16
thighs-27
weight 265.4

how things never seem to stay the same..

isnt it amazing how as we grow up and change inside the things we surround our selves with change as well? i started going to two bible studys this fall and as i have it seems that my "friends" are drifting further and further away, and when we talk its just a dead end conversation that after just two mintues it seems like there is nothing left to say, with one bible study i am making new friends and could easily stick around after we get done and talk for hours. i have been finding myself wanting to further my self more and more from the past and hold on tight to the future. does that make me petty? i have no clue but i do know that i am much happier when im distancing myself from the "drama" of some peoples lives, as im sitting here looking at my facebook friends list i look at who is on there and i really think sometimes that it would be so easy to just delete them off there and not ever look back, but then again what if one status i share about God or one bible verse will be enough to help them out.

then i look at another friend who i have been talking to and really been feeling like i need to share about the lord to her, and i have again and again and again, i have told her how to not make mistakes i do, i really felt like i was getting some where and then BAM she throws in my face that i dont get the loneliness i have a ring on my finger and a man in my bed at night so i just dont get it.. she takes everything i have said to her and totally ignores me and rushes out of town to go meet a guy.. ugh i just dont get it! i know that satan is working just as hard to pull her away as i am to help her find the lord but oh man am i ever frustrated!!

the power of prayer

isnt is amazing how as chirstians we are told to pray, prayer is the most powerful thing we have... but do we really listen? i know that through all i have been put through up until just a few days ago i didnt realize jut how true that is. when we are placed in situations that are so hard or hurtful to go through we try to deal with them ourselves, we try to fix the situation our way not God's way. trust me i did that myself up until just last week actually, sure i would pray occasionally and "give it to God" but i never fully let it go. but due to recent events i have finally realized how imporatant it is to just give it to god. Anthony and i came together in prayer and prayed and prayed and prayed and when anthony told me how he felt i respected that and even tho i didnt agree at the time i let it go the way he said.. and wow God has preformed some AMAZING things in just a few days. we had a conversation that was very hard to have but needed to be said, before we started we gave it to God we asked him for the words and he gave them to us, was it any easier no, but did it have a huge impact yes! i am just so thankful that I am not like Abraham in that he only heard from God 8 times in his entire life, and that was not a short life either yet he has so much faith in God.. I can hear from God at any time all i have to do is walk in to my bedroom and grab my bible or grab my phone and pull up a bible app on it and i can hear from God, everything i need to know every question i have is all answered in there. that is SO amazing. and while i have been struggleing and stressing the past year over things that i felt i had no control in God was using that to bring me to my knees to realize my issues were bigger than me alone. now i still cant quote scripture but im working on that, but i can tell you that once i fully gave it to God and knew that with out him i was getting no where he has changed my heart so much. i am normally a very anxious person and just the past few days i can feel myself calming down. and that in its self is a miracle. i guess more than anything i am just glad that God is answering our prayers in the ways that he is. because trust me the talk we had the other day could have went a very different way than it did.

me, me, me

Isn't it funny how the whole world is all about self, not about helping others but making sure you get to the top, and are better than others... okay so may not everyone feels that way, but the thing we care about most is ourselves, we want a new gun, or a new phone, or a new car, we want new clothes, we want that new pair of shoes that are just the "hottest" of the season.. even when we pray its about what we want. well thats how it is for me. rather than saying "God I know you have a plan and your will is going to happen and I trust in that I dont want anything I simply NEED you!!" we say "God I want a new job, or God please give me that pay raise, or God I want to have a different house, car or whatever" as i sit here and think about what is going on in my life and trying to figure out how to deal with it all i realize while i have been praying about this situation i have been praying about what I want and what I think I need, maybe im going about this in all the wrong ways... just some food for thought